Emotions

I felt that life is somehow related to out everyday weather; sometimes it is hot, sometimes it rains like nobody business. The weather here is exactly that way for the past 3 days. It was so hot in the afternoon, and suddenly, it rains and i saw ice-cubes as well. Ice was falling from the sky.

OMG! It is summer la.

I was feeling up and down for the last few days. In fact for the past whole week. It was like roller-coaster ride going from the highs and lows, from the top going down at 100km/h leaving your heart at the top while your body is at the bottom. These feelings of good and bad, nice and terrible makes my life difficult. My love for my family and my dearest is hurting me. I miss them a lot. Yet, here i am, thousands of kilometres away from them. I miss Romeo. Everytime i remember and imagine his smile and giggle while saying "Ba Ba Ba" makes my heart soft. It is devastating. I felt terrible. I felt pain in my heart.

I wish that my heart will not be that soft and emotional. I wish that my heart is solid as a rock, less emotions. So i can be less "emotional me" and be logical all the time. So that i can be less vulnerable to these emotions that filled my life. There is always 2 sides to everything.

No doubt about it, i am an emotional person. I can connect easily to people. I can gain peoples trust and respect faster. It was all because of my emotional heart that understand peoples feeling easier. I am a people's person. It comes with a price.

When bad things happens and emotions get involve in the way, it is a bad mixture. It is like mixing acid with calcium. Bad things happens. And yet you know you can't control the situation. My heart works negatively on me. I suffer and felt pain. It was barely bearable and it is painful. I have to use my "logical-self" to overcome my pain. I was telling myself, when i finish this coffee and ice-cream, i will be feeling better. I repeat that repeatedly. I need to. I know i have to. I smokes and hopes that my pain will be better.

My love for my dear is painful. Yet i know i can't let her know that. I knew she felt it. We both knew this is the best for us. It is logical to do this. It is the most viable way based on our current situation. I have to overcome my feelings. It is the "right" thing to do. I wish for the best outcome possible and i wish that things will get better. I wish that i can be less emotional and forgets the hurtful feelings faster. I have to. I will and i shall.


Tomorrow will always be a better day, isn't it? :)