Doctors Advise

I love this Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? !
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? !

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best! feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Wahahahahahaha! LoL. I think i have to speak more mandarin or french from now onwards!!! LMAO!

Hairdresser vs Robber

Gawd! This piece of news is damn hilarious! Could not have imagine this happens in the real world.

Read on.

A young hairdresser in Kaluga, Central Russia, locked a robber who tried to steal her money in the basement of the beauty salon. After that, she has brutally raped her hostage for three days. A court in Kaluga has filed criminal charges against both of them, the Russian website Newsru.com reports.

The robber, who has not been named, burst into the salon armed with shotgun at about 17.00 on March 14. He demanded money. There were two hairdressers and one client in the salon at the time. One of hairdressers, who was studying judo and taekwondo, disabled the robber with a smashing body blow. Then she carried the unlucky robber to the basement and bound him with a hairdryer cord.

The hairdresser told her scared colleague and the client that she would call the police. But she did not. After work, instead of calling the police, she made her hostage undress. The perverted hairdresser forced the hostage to take several Viagra tablets. She chained the unfortunate robber with pink furry wristbands and painfully raped him for the next three days.
After his release, the exhausted robber filed charges against the perverted woman. The frenulum of his penis was torn as a consequence of rape session.

“That’s ridiculous. We had sex just a couple times. I brought him brand new jeans. I fed him every day and gave him one thousand rubles ($25) before his release,” the hairdresser said.

In response, she filed charges against the robber.

The robber admitted that the hairdresser really did feed him royally.

“I actually don’t know what will happen to them. But it’s a pity that they could not meet in the cell. They would be a great couple,” one of the police officers said.

I thought this only happens in fake porn movies?!?!?!?!?

What happen to this world? Perhaps the robber looks like Brad Pitt or David Beckham, thats why.

LoL!

Romantic Sperm

I love kick-ass commercials. Hey! Could i be one of the creative guys as well? :P

Check this out, in the event of romantic Valentine's Day coming soon, guys, you need some extra inspiration. Gawd! I love the big white bang in the beginning and the smoothness of the spermie fella swimming with such cool moves. Hahahahaha!

Tips for HIM/HER on Valentine's Day

Well, on a lighter note and funny side of me, i suggests everyone goes to Smartshanghai.com and check out the tips and advise on what to do to spice up the Valentines Day. Her posts is funny and truly a eye-opener for those couples who are shy and very conservative on expressing their love.

Check out tips for her at here.

Check out advises for him at here.

Funny but true! Credits to Matsume.

:)

Always Check Your Child Homework!

I have recently received a lot of forwarded emails from everywhere. Some of them are simply meaningless, some of them provide some healthy information, some of them are just some forwarded emails and etc. But, i love those jokes that makes the rest of your day brighter and happier, from the stress of work. Hahaha.


Check this one out.


The title is "Always check your child homework!"


Dear Mrs. Jones,


I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.


Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith

China Counterfeit Fake Products

I was browsing some randomly online, and i came across these pictures. Almost choke myself laughing! Wahahahaha.

Have a nice laugh! Bucksstars Ice Latte, anyone?

English: Chinglish, Manglish and Indlish

English language is one of the most widely used language in the planet earth. English in general are categorized into 2 versions, American and British. But of course, over the years with those addition of localized languages such as Singaporean slang, our own Malaysian manglish or Indian heavy accented headshaking movement, English has evolved into a whole new language.

American english tends to be a little more "american" with words such as Yo! Wassup! , Black American english sounds more cool with a lot of hand movement, British english is a little more to the smooth and shakespeare style such as I'm Arriving! instead of I'm Cumming! and of course, in Asian, english are so different in each different region.

If you speak British accent English in Malaysia, you will looked as if you are from outer space and kinda given the foreigner look, if you like the attention. Sort of funny and perhaps it looks very pretentious?! But, perhaps you would get respect rather than cool impression!

If you speak cool american black english, then you will definitely be different altogether. Have you encounter with some ABCs or those who have studied in American for a while. They can rap and talk like a nigga! Cool american english. Well, i've heard that before in The Racks in Lan Kwai Fong in Hong Kong, where lotsa of young crowd that is from America thats it that talks that way, yo!

What i like the most about english is, the english that is spoken by different region means something totally different from one and another. Seriously! For example, i will use the word "know" to illustrate it to you.

you know, i know la! = its a secret between us.

i am very hardworking, you know! = implying that he wants you to know he is hardworking

i know, i know! = student pretends to know everything!

you know everything meh? = wife scolding the husband for not listening

know your head ah? = scolding you for being so ignorant and stupid at the same time

you know, XX is sleeping around with ZZ = typical gossip around teatime or in the office pantry

do you know that i am not joking? = serious tone warning that i am not joking



So funny you know!

Hahahaha!

18,000,000 For Charity!

How are you doing? hope fine. I am very sorry to contact you like this, my name is Al-hawshabi karim, from Yemen, i have a very severe Oesophageal cancer that the doctors said will lead to death in few Months time after trying all medical treatment. I have given most of my assets to my family members and i have decided to give the other part to charity organisations. I cannot do this myself anymore because of my health. I once asked members of my family to give some money to charity organizations,they refused and kept the money.I have Eighteen Million Dollars with a security and storage company abroad and i want you to help me collect the 18Million Dollars and use it for charity works. You will take out 20% of this funds for your assistance. If you are willing to assist me, do contact me through my email address: hawshabikarim@hotmail.com

Regards,

Mr. Al-hawshabi karim.

Anyone feeling charitable?

*psssst: its a bloody scam!* Hahahahaha. I almost puke when i saw that email. Check out the email address of the sender vs the contact person. I doubt that they are able to con anyone with the level of stupidity!

LV: Fashionista?

LVMH or simply known as Louis Vuitton, are mostly, associated with branded and classy look. Trendy joneses (people that goes with the crowd) rushed to LV boutiques to get their handbags. Girls spend their yearly bonus to get 1 for their own. Asian boyfriends and husbands buys for their love ones. But, is LV really that classy?




Ask French this question: Do they buy LV in France? Chances are they will not. LVMH might be the country's prominent fashion employer and brings a lot of international business profit back to France, but chances are, the younger crowds might go to H & M while those classier ones, will go tailored-made.





Individualistics and trend setters normally goes "un-branded" fashions. Its about mix and match. Its about creating your own image and identity. Why would anyone really wanna go and advertise someone else name on their chest or their underwear? Looks like walking advertisement for me. Looks so boring, and dull. Just imagine someone walks with a big CALVIN KLEIN in front of you. Yucks!

No doubt. LVMH is very successful in creating their brand image globally. Asians flocked to their boutique to get their latest fashion handbags, lining up for their new range of products introduced at their new boutique.

But, this picture, ruins it all!

Anyone still wanna go and get one LV-themed bags, accessories or fashion-items?

Does the pictures above looks filthy, dirty, disgusting giving you an image of the classy and branded Louis Vuitton bags? We can even make a protest of pigs being abused with LV tattoos. Pigs!

My question: When i insult you by calling you PIG, am i insulting you or insulting the pig?

*Catch the joke?*

Same with LV scenario as the picture above. Pigs tattooed with LV logo. Are we insulting LV or insulting the pig? Hahahahaha!

I believe the management at LV must be concerned or furious over the incident or pictures circulating over the internet. If i am the owner or the management, i will rage all over and make sure the person who comes out with this picture, pays! Lawsuit!

On the lighter note, the pictures below are far much more cuter and adorable.

Anyone wanna get this pig as pet? Damn expensive you know! LV pig pet!

My Luck My Moment!

-_-




Thats the face reaction i am gonna show today. What the hell?!?!? Is the freaking god of luck trying to test my luck or test my higher will in patience?!?!? KNNCCBSHLCHML!1!1!1! *grrrrrrrrrrr........!!!!!!*


You see, i thought i saw one special number last friday. Suddenly i draws to me that this number has some special meaning or special feelings to it. You know la. Those time that you feel like the number is a little special than normal and you feel like going to buy a lottery with it.


Well, i saw mine. The number is 7278. You know what happen?



-_-

China Weird Moments!

I tell you. Don't "pray pray". Its dumbfounded and its freaking hilarious thinking about the Chinese weird stuff. Damn weird and damn funny. Imagine i laugh non-stop and giggle whenever i need some extra humour. Go on, enjoy the pictures!

P.S: Keep your laughter down and giggle by yourself!

:)






OMG! Why the hell do they posed that way? *Cute butt pose!* Hahaha!

Of course, there are other weirder invention that are available in China. So weird that i think there are no other people around the world who would wanted these.

Or simply the extraordinary chinese fashion. Unbelievable! They can walk anywhere simply wearing a set of pyjamas in the street or wear a transparent skirt.

Or simply those English words that are translated exactly from Chinese characters. Word for word. OMG! Their vocab is simply stunning! Hahaha.

Or why is it people in Shanghai is so sleepy all the time?


No idea la! Its just China! :)

Malaysia in AD2108

With the current events of destruction to the world at this speed, at a pace that this freaking environment mother nature is going to be destroyed, i guess its just a matter of time that our freaking little world will be gone down under in a blink of an eye. Industrial and developing nation pumping gases and carbons to our air, millions of cars spewing smokes and pollutions everyday makes it just another day of sadness. Greenhouses gases and destroying of vast masses of lands and clearing of trees are not helping either....

Temperature rising at a unbelievable rate, ice continent down at Antartica is cracking and melting and drifting away, air is no longer fresh and polluted with haze and greenhouse gases just makes me felt sad and in a deploring state of mind.

Leaders such as Al Gore is a hero of ours. Comes out voicing his opinion powerful enough to start making a difference, Starbucks and Walmart starting to go green, big corps going green in their building are signs that we can help ourself as human race and mankind, if we do really meant it and do something about it. Thats what i know as result oriented and action speaks or simply Just do it!

I believe the world will go to shit in a matter of years, bringing a forgettable state of environment for our next generations to live in. *freaking crazy* Maybe they will wake up every morning wearing a oxygen mask and walks in face mask due to this state of pollution.

Natural sources of energy will be long gone. Natural gases, crude oil, coal and other energy will simply runs out and we, as humankind, will have to explore other alternatives method of renewable energy sources such as solar.

Just imagine, 100 years down the road, the world will simply be black and dark (imagine the scene from the movie THE MATRIX). World and the sky is going dark. What do we do then? Well, installing and implementing solar panels around the globe up in the sky in the space covering the earth might works. Who knows? At least solar energy is going to be clean!

The Americans will be having 1 for their own use, the Chinese government is going to install 1, the EU is going for it as well together join venturing with the Russians. Therefore, the sky is going to be filled with solar panels to collect energies for mankind to use. Can work you know...... ;P

But, hey! How about Malaysia? Our small dear little country. Petronas by then will be long gone. We shall be drinking sea water (we might). Our crude palm oil converted to biofuel will be not sufficient to generate energy due to the price is too inflated, our natural water will be long gone due to lack of rain water and of course due to these reasons we, human folks will suffer. I guess the best alternatives is still to embrace the power of solar energy, both clean and renewable. But but how do we do it? Do we have the technology and innovation to make it happen? .....

No worries folk!

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We have our dear Angkasawan space programme.

You see, our government is extremely good in forecasting the future and damn accurate as well. They start to train and send our dear promising young aspiring astronauts to space from young. We have such deal of planning and forecasting and hence, by that time, if the freaking Americans, EU's and Chinese does not sell us energy, do you know what we do? we steal their SOLAR PANELS!

Hahahahaha!



Its the same culture and habit that is happening right now what! Criminals and petty thefts stealing our dear TNB electrical poles and copper wires to sell making the whole neighbourhood out of electricity. Its just that 100 years down the road, technology is going to be so so so advance and we simply have our own Angkasawan out in the space to do what we do now, cutting energy devices aka solar panels! And we go global as well! Stealing from Americans!

Hahahahaha!

Now! Tell me ain't our leaders of Malaysia smart?